Should we really be grateful?

It is an interesting question to ponder. I totally get being grateful for waking up for another day, food on the table, health, etc. I really do get it. But…

For the longest time I was told, in fact am still told, that I should feel grateful that I didn’t have it worse, that there are so many other people out there in the big wide bad world, that don’t have food, a place to sleep, or health.

I have so many questions on the topic, so here goes:

What if what was done to us was so atrocious that feeling grateful it wasn’t worse, makes us feel invalidated?

Perhaps it has become more like something that helps us feel better about our own experiences?

Perhaps people tell us that we should be grateful it wasn’t worse so that they feel less guilt?

Perhaps I just hit the proverbial nail on the head?

If I wasn’t grateful that my experiences weren’t worse would that then mean that they truly were bad and that the people who should’ve protected me didn’t? 

Somewhere along the history of mankind the word “Grateful” has taken on a dark satirical twist where we as humans use it as a light saber to cut down the pain of experience and euphemize it to be more palatable to the general public. We are told every day to feel grateful for what we have, for what we go through… 

Every. Single. Day.

But let’s untwist it for a moment. To be grateful, by definition, is the feeling or showing a deep appreciation for kindness, help, or good things received.

In no way, shape, or form does it imply anything towards bad experiences and those using it in the sentence “Well, you should feel grateful it wasn’t worse” copout should just maybe learn the definition of gratefulness… and practice it themselves.

So, in the untwisting of the word “Grateful” …

I am truly grateful for the strength all of my different traumas has given me to keep rising when I fall down. Sometimes daily, sometimes weekly, and at other times, yearly. 

I am grateful that, even though I could’ve turned out like so many others, that I had the capacity for empathy, kindness, compassion, and love.

I am grateful to those who showed me compassion, kindness, love, and generosity when I needed it most.

I am grateful to Winnie the Pooh for getting me through some of the darkest of times with his wise words. Yeah, I know, but it is the truth. That bear rocks and is so so wise!

I am grateful for the fleeting moments I have with people who are truly good souls. The time that they are in our daily lives is not guaranteed, but oh those moments of connection, they give life force to future reflections and smiles to memories, ones that last a lifetime. 

I am grateful for a world speckled with good souls, compassion, and empathy. Yes, so many of us have seen the darkest of nights but it gave us a superpower to see the light, to share it, to pass it on, like sprinkles of confetti wherever we go. 

Today, and every day, I am grateful for all of this, but most of all for the good souls that join us, for however long, on our journey that is life. 

Gratefulness is a complex feeling; there is no right or wrong. We can be grateful, but at the same time, not for the pain or suffering that we have experienced. Our suffering doesn’t have to quantify in the grander scheme of “lesser than others,” it doesn’t have to be anything other than our own experience. 

Ours alone.

We own our his/her-story, no two living human beings have experienced the exact same thing as us. 

Everything in life is relative. Health. Abuse. Rape. Disability. Torture. Everything is according to your own experience. Your experience is yours and no two people, even two people who have gone through the exact same experience, is the same. 

Let us all untwist the definition and take account of all that we are grateful for in the true sense of the word. I’ll go first…

I am grateful for the rain and the sunshine (just not the mosquitos).

I am grateful for the food and most definitely cookies.

I am grateful for laughter, compassion, and kindness.

I am grateful I get to meet so many incredible people.

I am grateful for you.

… But the hay bale in the photo??? Well, that photo was taken during a really difficult time in my life and who doesn’t love a hay bale? The reason I hugged it was because it was honestly the first time I’d seen one so big and I was grateful to be free, in that moment, from every worry upon my shoulders. Sometimes you just have to hug a hay bale and appreciate the moment you are living in.